Quotes by Will Rogers

Posted: November 4, 2010 in Quotes

We are here just for a spell and then pass on. So get a few laughs and do the best you can. Live your life so that whenever you lose it, you are ahead.

The thing about my jokes is that they don’t hurt anybody. You can say they’re not funny or they’re terrible or they’re good or whatever it is, but they don’t do no harm. But with Congress — every time they make a joke it’s a law. And every time they make a law it’s a joke.

People often ask me, “Will, where do you get your jokes?” I just tell ’em, ‘Well, I watch the government and report the facts, that is all I do, and I don’t even find it necessary to exaggerate.

Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.

Buy land. They ain’t making any more of the stuff.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else.

Every Gag I tell must be based on truth. No matter how much I may exaggerate it, it must have a certain amount of Truth. … Now Rumor travels Faster, but it don’t stay put as long as Truth.

When you put down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad ones you did do — well, that’s Memoirs.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

Trouble with American transportation is that you can get somewhere quicker than you can think of a reason for going there. What we need now is a new excuse to go somewhere.

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